My December
by Nika1
Summary: another song fic. based on Linkin Parks' "My December". a+y. shounen-ai. angsting as usual.


"My December"  
  
Author's notes: Well, mmm, this was supposed to be a b-day present to you (us). Well, I KNOW that it isn't soon, but… Oh, well, I'm WIERD I know. ^_^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I just read the lyrics and it came to me. And I love Linkin Park. And Aya too. So, it's gonna be Aya fic. And oh well I love yaoi too. :P~~~ So it's gonna be YAOI!!! LOL Ehrr. Gonna stop laughing hysterically and start working. *sweatdrop* ^^;;;;;;;;;; So, I represent you a yaoi (shounen-ai, ok) WK (Aya's) song (with Linkin Park lyrics) fic !!!!!!!!! HOOO-RAY!!!!! Ahem. Credits follow below.  
  
Credits: "My December" is owned by Linkin Park. Aya is owned by Takato…. AHEM I mean by Takehito Koyasu. ^^;;;;;; This fic by me.  
  
Dedicated to: all who have b-day in December: to Tyr43, Nichole, me, Rei & to some other people whom I don't even know. Ehrrr, almost forgot!!! And to Ken Hidaka too. ^____^;;;;;  
  
**************************************************************************** ******************************  
  
It's been a year. It's hard to imagine, but it's been a year how we broke up. And I still haven't forgot. And forgiven too.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is my time of the year//  
  
I remember it was the same frosty winter day. The day when you left me. Yeah, you just left me without 'goodbye's, 'forgive me', without explanations, without a WORD. You just packed your things, sat into your car and drove away. That's all.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is all so clear//  
  
I couldn't forgive it. I can't. I will not.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is my snow covered home//  
  
I'm standing before my apartment, not wishing to come in. No need to come in and to see that you aren't there.  
  
I'm standing in the street. It's empty. It isn't very late, it's just very cold, but I'll prefer the weathers cold to the coldness of my empty bed.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is me alone//  
  
I'm alone as usual. I'm always alone. I've been used to be alone before you, but I've got to get used to the emptiness in my soul and loneliness in my heart again after your leave.  
  
I'm doing nothing but standing, and merely staring at the falling snow. It's white, endlessly white, and endlessly cold. It quickly melt as it lands on my crimson hair. Soon my hair is wet and its strands look like streams of blood on my face. I'm wet. I'm alone. I'm cold inside and outside.  
  
//And I  
  
Just wish that  
  
I didn't feel  
  
Like there was  
  
Something I missed//  
  
It's hard for me to admit it, but I need you. I can't remember the exact moment, when I became so dependent on you. K'so, I dunno. But when you were beside me, I know, I didn't value it. It seems like we had even more fights then before.  
  
//And I  
  
Take back all  
  
The things I said  
  
To make you  
  
Feel like that//  
  
Yes, I can say that we have hurt each other enough. But still why have you left me? I never asked you, I never doubted that you had a reason, but still why?  
  
  
  
//And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere  
  
To go to//  
  
I know, it's all started with the simple lust. Desire and nothing more. Your desire upon me. But haven't you got attached to me? Or even after a year I still remained your pretty fucking toy?!  
  
I don't know.  
  
//Give it all away  
  
To have someone  
  
To come home to//  
  
I don't really know. I only know that *I* really got attached to you. That I miss you. That now I don't have anyone. Now I don't have any family at all.  
  
//This is my December  
  
These are my snow covered dreams//  
  
Yesterday I saw my sister. She was playing snowballs with her classmates. Of course I couldn't come up to her. I could only watch her play and feel joy and sorrow at the same time. I was glad to see her playing like that, like a child. And I envied her that I couldn't do the same. That I couldn't be the same joyful as she. In my 23 I can't be a child anymore.  
  
//This is me pretending  
  
This is all I need//  
  
I still can be a cold blooded assassin and I can do my job. But now even money doesn't seem to satisfy me. I don't need it, as my sister is alive. I have the minimum to live and that's all. I'm tired of endless and aimless killing.  
  
//And I  
  
Just wish that  
  
I didn't feel  
  
Like there was  
  
Something I missed//  
  
I just only want my life to end quickly. I want to die. And to go to Hell, I belong to.  
  
//And I  
  
Take back all  
  
The things I said  
  
To make you feel like that//  
  
And maybe then I'll be able to forget you, your face, your lips, your touch. Just you. The man, who still can't let me go.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is my time of the year//  
  
I see the tall men's figure walking in the street. My heart jerks. It happens instinctively, because I'm still waiting for you. Waiting that you might come back.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is all so clear//  
  
It's a torture and I can't bear it. Irritated with myself and my thoughts I decide to come into the house at last. I walk upstairs and come up to my room. I search for the key in my pocket. When I find it and is about to put it into the keyhole, I notice something put between the door and the door frame. Some paper. No, a greeting card. A greeting card?  
  
//And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere  
  
To go to//  
  
At first I can't think of the addresser. I take the greeting card and look at the cover. The picture is rather simple with the fur-tree, snow and the snowman. Hmm. It's just the type of the greeting cards that I hate and that Aya-chan loves so much. But still who can it be? And then it strucks me. The only person who knew about this dwelling was, the one who rented it. It was he.  
  
I don't want to read it. I want simply to tear it into thousands of small pieces. And forget about it. And about you. Yeah, try to. Again.  
  
//Give it all away  
  
To have someone  
  
To come home to//  
  
"Ran, Merry X-mass and gomen, Yotan."  
  
Five words and one conjunction and so many emotions it caused.  
  
Baka Kudou, it's 15th! Duh. Seems like you'll never change. And will never learn. I'm not a stupid girl to spent a night with and to sent the greeting cards to, when you don't want to show up. I'm a man and be sure to be ready to a fight, when you come, because I promise I'll kick your ass.  
  
But that 'gomen'… What did you mean when you wrote it?  
  
I think I'll never know it.  
  
Fuck you, Kudou!  
  
/*/This is my December  
  
And this is me alone/*/  
  
Notes: DUH! I was supposed to do my homework and not to write THIS! It sucks. :((( I… It was supposed to be better. -_-;;  
  
Nevermind,  
  
yours Aya.  
  
10.10.2001  
  
PS: comment it as usual, plz. 


End file.
